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wolvie

Reflecting

Posted on 2004.01.13 at 12:37
As I lay here alone in the dark, I can't help my mind as it runs away with strange thoughts and fantasies. I would sleep if I could, but it seems my mind just will not calm yet. I think of the interviews and how much I actually enjoyed them. All three of us were in such good moods today, and talking about everything we did making the movie came easy. I had wonderful actors to work with who made it feel more like play than work.

Rolling over on my side, I smile as I think of Edward. It is a rare occasion that brings us together for more than a few minutes, and I was so glad for his presence today. I told him everything. About the phone call that had brought me to the states, the feelings that followed soon after, meeting Arianna....and how I was feeling now.

"Have you told him?" he asked me earlier. I simply shook my head and watched him as he conversed with a reporter. "Exactly how are you feeling?"

I looked at him and smiled a little. "You sound like a psychologist. How am I feeling?" I looked back to Will. "I'm feeling very confused."

Edward sighed and rolled his eyes as if he had expected that exact answer, but wanted more. "I understand but, if you are not in love with the boy, it may change the side my favor falls on."

I blinked and looked at him sharply. "You just finished telling a man in there that you felt protective of me, that I was like your younger sister." He nodded. "And now how strong my feelings are determines who you chose to side with?" Again he nodded, a beguiling smile lighting his dark features. Against my better judgement, I smiled as well. "Yes, I am in love with him if that is what you wish to know."

"Yes it is." He looked at Will as the interview was wrapping up. "He's engaged, love. What now?"

I sighed and found Arianna standing off to the side, watching as well. "I don't know." Frowning, I turned my attention back to Edward. "I should have taken my chance with him when I first had it."

"No argument there love."

Turning now on my back to stare at the ceiling, my mind wanders to Arianna. I think she and I would be friends if there wasn't someone we both had affections for. Obviously we both had good taste. I wanted to tell him how I felt....but what would it do? The fact that I liked who Arianna was irritated me highly. I didn't want to take something that would make her hurt.

I decided that, if he asked me, I wouldn't deny it. But just openly stating that I was in love with him...could be destructive. Not just for the relationship he had with Arianna, but for us as well. I have three and a half weeks to see where all of this would go, if anywhere.

As I close my eyes, I am taken back to a day more than a year ago. The sun warms my face as I smile at Will from across the medieval set we worked on. The wind is blowing, tossing his long dark hair about his face. He smiles at me, and I feel my knees go week. Drifting to sleep, his arms welcome me into a relaxing dream.

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